steven seagal facts
Guns don't kill people, Steven Seagal kills people. Sometimes with guns.
Steven Seagal always fucks on the first date. Always.
When Steven Seagal flushes a toilet in America, all toilets in Japan flush in the same direction.
Steven Seagal came before both Adam and Eve. However, when god tried to remove a rib to create Eve, Steven Seagal karate chopped him in the face and set evolution back 50 Million years.
Steven Seagal doesn’t actually run, he simply spins the world with his legs.
Steven Seagal found Nemo.
Steven Seagal can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
When Google can't find www.stevenseagalfacts.com, it's because Steven Seagal is hiding.
Steven Seagal karate chopped a blind girl in the face enabling her to hear again.
When Steven Seagal uses the restroom, he doesn't need to flush, his feces are so scared of his amino acids, that they self power their way to the sea.
The moon was once a green lush paradise, teaming with life. When Steven Seagal was born, the first thing he saw was the moon. For the good of us all, he has squinted ever since.
If Steven Seagal was a woman, he would be David Hasselhoff.
Steven Seagal doesn't need to have sex to reproduce. He just karate chops himself in half and regenerates the missing parts.
God said, "Let there be light." Steven Seagal said, "Say please!"
Steven Seagal after holding an emergency meeting with himself came to the conclusion that the only person worthy enough to give birth to such a prodigy would be Steven Seagal himself. Therefore he is both his father and his mother.
Geico saved 15% on its car insurance by switching to Steven Seagal.
If Steven Seagal kicks you in the nuts, your future children are born with broken limbs.
The last stage of a star isn't a black hole, it's Steven Seagal.
Just for kicks, every Friday night Steven Seagal drives his minivan through Harlem yelling "Hey nigga" at everyone with a gun.
Steven Seagal opened Pandora's box. It shut itself out of fear.
Steven Seagal tells time by staring directly into the sun.
Steven Seagal's ponytail is made from 100 percent pure Asian death. He paid extra for shipping.
Steven Seagal invented the haircare product "Just For Men". He later removed it from the stores and now makes it "Just for Steven Seagal". If you ask him to share his product, he will beat you to death and eat your children.
Steven Seagal viciously attacks Bill Gates anytime he needs lunch money.
When Steven Seagal practices tennis with a wall, he wins.
Originally Posted by Atropos
