Taoism: Shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama ding ding.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Christianism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock, "Shit happens".
Unitarian: What is this shit.
Mormon: Shit happens again and again and again..
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.